Greek families don't know how to love...
Hello, hello, dear readers!
It's been quite some time since I last felt like sharing. So here's what I want to write about today: being myself.
As you know, I am Greek. Greek families are known for being strong, supportive, loving etc, but do you know what the truth is? Greek families are suffocating. It is not really love, what they offer their members, it is authoriatarianism, a form of dictatorship, whereby their strongest members (usually the older male ones) set rules that cannot be broken - not without consequences.
Let me further explain. Say, my parents, love me very very much. They are here for me, whatever I need. Do I have a problem at work? I call them up, they advise me and give me comfort, so that I feel loved and that I have a sanctuary, should I, let's say, get fired or something. If I get into a fight with somebody, if another driver honks and swears at me, I can ring them up, they will say I am right (most probably) and I will feel strong and that I am not alone in this world. If my boyfriend pisses me off, I can let steam off by talking to them. They can even advise me on how to work things out with him. This is all nice (albeit sick to many of you), but the coin has another side.
If, say, I decide to go on a vacation without telling them, they sulk and grudge and are disappointed in me. If I make a decision that does not coincide with theirs, they are disappointed in me. If I don't ring other family members up regularly or at least when I ought to (birthdays, x-days) they say I am not right, that I am not behaving appropriately. If I don't want to join them when they visit another family member or a friend, if I am not a polite diplomat, every time old aunties speak incessantly about their nail fungi, if I act like I really feel, then I am a bad person.
The truth is, I want free of this agreement. I am not a nice girl, not in this way. I cannot suck up to sick uncles and blabbering aunts for the sake of being "proper". If that is what propriety is about, then I am not characterized by it. I want to speak my mind candidly. I want to answer back to the ludicrous comments of my uneducated folks withouth being called rude. I want to spend time in my room, productively, studying and completing my thesis, when the others gather all up and do nonsence. I want to marry whenever I want to and whichever way I want to. I can't stand all the traditional charades of hundreds of people gathering to eat, dance and gossip at my expense. I am different. I have been educated differently. My views, my mind, my soul are free, at least they want free.
I often feel that there is no one to truly understand and support me. I feel there is only one option for me: to fend for myself. I shouldn't be begging for anyone's support and approval, I shouldn't be asking for this sick love. To love is to let go, to love is to create free people with self-respect. To love is to be good enough so that others want to gather around you and not to force somebody into your company. I ain't all that good myself, but I sure aspire to become better.
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